


One Thousand Times

by tommytea



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Get Together, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Morgan, M/M, Original Character(s), Snippets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-12-05 14:35:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11580054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tommytea/pseuds/tommytea
Summary: Derek Morgan and Spencer Reid are really into each other - it just takes them a while to notice.Or, I binge-watched 3 seasons of Criminal Minds and this is what happened.





	One Thousand Times

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from a song by James Vincent McMorrow of the same name.
> 
> This is my first time writing fic, please be kind.

The first time they kiss, it goes like this:

New Years Eve, Garcia’s place.

There’s a bunch of people at this party that Spencer has never seen before. He’s sure he’d know if he’d met any of these people, because even without his eidetic memory, he would have remembered the girl with 9 facial piercings and a neck tattoo, he’d remember the lady with the bright neon pink hair that looked to be in her 60’s, and he’d remember what he has taken to name The Biker Gang – a group of men and women dressed exclusively in leather, that are only talking to each other.

Bless Garcia for loving everyone, and inviting what seemed to be the whole block to her New Years party, but Reid was starting to get claustrophobic. That is how he finds himself out in the balcony.

He’s taking sips out of a champagne flute filled with 7up, and listening to people counting down when the door bursts open.

“Garcia?” Morgan asks, frantically looking around.

“Nope, sorry.” Reid replies.

Morgan turns to leave, but as he opens the balcony door, the crowd inside chants “FIVE, FOUR, THREE,” and Morgan turns around quickly and presses himself against Reid. His arms, holding onto the railing behind Reid are caging him in.

“Stop me if you mind, but,” Morgan says as he leans in, and presses his lips to Reid’s.

Reid’s whole body freezes up, and its not like he minds – truly, he doesn’t. But before he has a chance to reciprocate the kiss, Morgan is already pulling away, softly smiling at Reid.

“Happy new year,” He says.

“Um…” Reid is so taken aback by this, he doesn’t even remember what the reply to that is. It’s like his brain’s short-circuiting, and it wasn’t even that good of a kiss – it’s just that it’s _Derek_ _Morgan_ and – what? “Thanks?” He replies.

Morgan chuckles, is walking out when he turns back around, “Oh and uh, Reid,” he points at the flute in Reid’s hand, “The booze here is free, man.”

 

**

 

They don’t really talk about it ever again.

Reid isn’t sure what he would say if they ever did.

 

**

 

Reid’s whole body hurts. He has been through torture, real, actual torture, but nothing hurts more than his body betraying him like this. Getting a _fever_. Keeping him from _work_. Reid moans at the thought and then promptly passes out.

When he opens his eyes again, there’s a loud banging, and it takes a moment for Reid to notice that it is not just in his head. The banging is coming from the other side of his apartment door. He moans again, sneezes 6 times, grabs a handful of tissues then stands up.

What he finds on the other side of the door is a very worried looking Morgan, with a very pissed off and unimpressed JJ.

“See?” JJ’s saying, “He’s _fine_ ,” She takes another look at him and makes a face, “…kinda? He’s not been kidnapped, or taken hostage, and that’s all that matters.”

Reid can barely keep his eyes open, so he misses the part where JJ decides to leave, and Morgan gets to slowly guide him to his bed.

“You’re sick.” He says.

Reid does not understand. Morgan is a profiler. He studies behaviors. Does he not see Reid’s puffy eyes? His red nose? His inability to breathe without making a sound like an old man?

“Yes?” Reid says, throwing his arm over his eyes.

“You couldn’t have called in? Let the team know?”

Reid throws his arm off his eyes and looks up at Morgan, “I did!” He says. “I texted you!”

Morgan breathes out slowly, rubbing his temples, “Reid, this is what you texted me.”

Morgan holds up his phone.

 

**From: Spencer Reid**

**Derek I'm doxl wefj**

 

“Oh.” Reid says.

He could’ve sworn he texted him a full coherent paragraph explaining his illness, and when he should be expected back at work. But then again, he expects this now, from his treacherous body, to make him incoherent on text, just like he is in person.

“And _then_ , you didn’t answer any of my texts, you don’t show up to work, and all my calls went straight to voicemail.” There’s a pretty big vein on Morgan’s head that Reid can’t stop staring at. It seems to be getting bigger the louder and frantic Morgan becomes. “What was I supposed to think? After the last time – and the hell you went through – what was I supposed to think?”

Reid does not know how to answer that, and the more anxious and loud Morgan is, the more Reid wants to pass out again, so he pets Morgan’s face. Presses his thumbs against Morgan’s eyebrows, smoothing them out and trying to make the vein on his head smaller.

“I’m sorry,” He says, bringing his other hand to better hold onto Morgan’s face, because Morgan needs to look him in the eyes to believe how sorry he is, “I’m so sick Morgan.” He pulls gently at his face so Morgan has no choice but to get into the bed with him. He holds Morgan’s head to his chest, “I’m so, so sick.” He can feel Morgan wrapping his arms around his torso, as he slowly lies down in bed next to Reid. “But you don’t have t’ worry ‘bout me… ’m just… ’m tired…” He’s starting to slur, and he wants Morgan to know that he’ll get better soon, but words escape him.

He pulls Morgan’s face away from his body, presses a solid kiss on Morgan’s forehead and goes back to sleep.

 

**

 

They don’t talk about that incident either.

Reid would deny everything anyway.

 

**

 

Reid did not mind it when Morgan called him _pretty boy_. He does not know how to feel when Morgan starts calling him _baby_ , starts calling him _sweet thing_ , _doll_. Technically, he understands that they’re on the same level as _pretty boy_ , and that Morgan is by nature an absolute flirt.

Maybe it’s the way he says them?

Reid is not ready for this kind of analysis.

 

**

 

When Reid first tells Morgan that he’s been trying dating apps, Morgan tries to talk him out of it.

“Come _on_ , man! You wanna end up with your head chopped off? Or even worse, catfished?”

Reid literally does not understand anything that comes out of Morgan’s mouth sometimes.

“I don’t – what? What’s catfished?”

Morgan thinks the best way to educate Reid is to follow him home and force him to watch an MTV show called Catfish. It has nothing to do with actual catfish, but it’s entertaining, in an overly exaggerated kind of way.

Overall he’d rate it a 6/10; no real substance, but it’s okay for a couple of episodes, and at least it teaches people to always do several online checks and how to reverse-Google images before going out on dates.

“Morgan, it’s nice that you care so much, but I’m an FBI profiler, I think I can handle a catfish.”

Morgan rolls his eyes and gets off the couch, “Whatever you say, man,” he says as he walks over to the kitchen.

“Besides, the algorithm this app uses matches you with friends of friends, and people within your own circles. That makes the probability of it being a catfish, or a serial killer significantly lower, I’d say,” Reid says.

“Alright, alright, alright,” Morgan walks back in with a glass of water, “we get it, Mr. Algorithm. Come on, show us who you’ve matched with.” He says as he sits back down.

Reid grapples for his phone, quickly unlocking it to show Morgan who he’s matched with.

Morgan’s eyes widen slightly when he realizes that Reid has been matched with both women _and_ men. Reid watches closely for his reaction, but Morgan has none, expect for scrunching his nose when he looks at a particular profile of a girl who’s in DIY alien cosplay in all her pictures.

“I don’t like them.” He says, giving him back his phone. “I don’t like any of them. Why can’t you just meet someone at a bar or something?”

Reid dejectedly leans back on the couch. He tucks his phone in between his couch cushions and stares at the TV ahead of them, “We don’t all look like you, Morgan. When people see me at a bar, they don’t exactly start forming lines. You think it’s so easy to meet someone because to you it is, but we don’t all have that privilege.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Morgan says softly, turning towards Reid, “You know that’s not what I meant. Look at you, the sweetest thing there is, people should be lining up for miles,”

Reid sniffs, turning up the volume of the TV, “Besides, I’ve already asked one out. I’m seeing him next week.”

“Of course,” Derek says quietly, “Of course.”

 

**

 

Reid goes on the date.

He does not get catfished.

He wishes he did, because that would have made his date even a little bit entertaining.

 

**

 

Reid gets hints from Morgan that he sometimes does not know how to decipher.

For example:

“How’d your date go?” Morgan asks one time when they’re in the conference room alone, waiting for everyone to show up to get debriefed. He’s sitting at the desk, his shoulders hunched and his face pinched.

Reid sits down and starts rearranging all his pens on the table, “Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be seeing him again.”

Morgan says, “Aw, man, that really sucks. I’m sorry.” And his shoulders relax and suddenly he’s rolling his chair over into Reid’s space, “What was it? Was he ugly? Was he 50 years older than his profile?” He waggles his brows.

The fact that he says it with a hint of a smile is what’s throwing Reid off.

Another example:

They go out to a bar at some point. The cases that have been coming in are slow and easy. The team decides to celebrate their lack of work while they can.

This bar is a loud one, with loud music, colorful lights and a lot of people dancing in a makeshift dance floor.

 Reid is at the bar, ordering a drink when a man from across the room looks at him. Winks at him. The man is tanned, with a shock of black hair and wide shoulders. Reid keeps eye contact because that’s what you do right? To flirt? Or is too much eye contact threatening? He doesn’t really know. He’s never been in this situation.

The man stands up, starts walking towards him, when there’s an arm thrown around his waist, a solid body warming his back.

“Reid!!” Morgan says against his ear, “Stop being so boring, man, come and dance!!”

This is normal. Morgan teases him about 96% of the time they’re out.

What’s not normal is when Morgan hooks his chin over Reid’s shoulder, wraps both arms loosely around his waist.

“Come on, you ditching me for that?” He nods his chin towards the man, who suddenly doesn’t seem as interested in Reid anymore.

It doesn’t matter because before he knows it, Morgan is tugging on him and dragging him to the kind-of dance floor.

 

**

 

Reid has a suspicion. He does not know how to go about it.

He thinks he likes Derek.

It's not that he didn't like him before, it's just that now he maybe looks forward to seeing the man more than he should.

He also thinks Derek likes him.

He does not know how to confirm this, and he does not know what to.

 

**

 

They’re on a flight back to Quantico after a long and tedious mission, where they barely caught the un-sub just minutes before he killed a little girl. She had been tortured, and Spencer has no doubt that if they had been a few minutes late, she would have been gone.

Spencer is a different kind of tired. He’s a kind of tired that includes extreme disappointment in himself. He looks out the window, hands slowly drawing patterns on the table in front of him.

The rest of the team is passed out cold.

He feels someone drop into the chair in front of him.

“Everything okay pretty boy?” Morgan asks, voice only loud enough to be heard over the engines.

Spencer nods, looking at his own reflection in the dark window, “Do you ever feel like you could do more? Like you have the potential to do so much more but you just have no idea how to get there?”

Morgan nods slowly, “It’s almost like running in place, feeling like you need to get somewhere, but just not being able to get there…”

Spencer finally meets his eyes, “She’s seven years old, Derek. Seven. And now she’ll need therapy for the rest of her life because it took us a little too long to find the un-sub.” Spencer tries hard to keep his voice from breaking, “She’s scarred in every sense of the word. Because I just… couldn’t do better.”

Derek looks at him. Eyes moving all over Spencer’s face, scanning his eyes, the sad twist of his mouth, the muscles twitching in his face, trying to hold it together. He stands up then and drops into the seat next to Spencer.

He puts his arm around Spencer’s shoulder, pulling him in, “But guess what, man. That girl is gonna have an 8th birthday, and a 9th and a 10th because of you. And therapy will only help her – ain’t no shame in that.” He rubs up and down Spencer’s arm, “Someday she’ll have kids of her own, and when they ask her to tell her stories about superheroes and villains, she’ll tell them a story about a villain who kidnaps children, and a superhero named Spencer Reid that broke down the door to get to the children, that holds them tight, until their parents are there and they’re safe.”

Spencer slowly puts his head down on Derek’s shoulder and Derek tugs on his hair a little before carding his fingers through it. “I have a very anxious mind, Derek,” he says, his jaw cracking on a yawn, “Occasionally very paranoid, and always filled with self doubt,” He moves his head so that his nose is buried in Derek’s neck. Derek does nothing but hum, continuing to play with Spencer’s hair. “Somehow it quiets down when you’re here.”

He’s asleep before Derek’s mind even catches up with the words and the meaning behind them.

 

**

 

After that, things are… strange?

Spencer feels as if he’s being catalogued; the movement of his mouth, the curl of his lashes – Derek’s eyes linger on Spencer’s face a lot more now.

He gets Spencer coffee every morning, stands by his desk and chats about his day, his weekend, his sisters, whatever else comes to mind.

He’s suddenly a lot more tactile; ruffles Spencer’s hair when he walks past him, leaves his arm around Spencer’s shoulder like a brand whenever he’s near. On all their flights back from cases, he sits next to Spencer, shares a blanket, and always has some form of physical contact with him; his shoulder pressed against Spencer’s, a hand on his thigh, a hand in his hair, a head on his shoulder.

Spencer doesn’t mind.

 

**

 

The first time they hook up feels like a dream.

It’s at a wedding. One of Derek’s sisters is getting married; the whole team is there. It’s at a beach resort in Cabo – of _course_ the whole team is there.

Spencer remembers how Derek’s eyes always found his multiple times during the reception. Eyes drinking him in in his black tux, his hair parted to one side and brushed back.

It was almost like a dance, how they kept catching each other’s eyes, but never getting close enough to each other to talk. Which is good. Spencer’s mouth goes dry every time he looks over at Derek in his own tux, so well tailored, his shoulders looking wide, his arms round with muscles. Spencer does not want to know what might happen if he gets closer.

It happens eventually, and Spencer blocks out everything that happens before Derek is inside him.

Spencer does not remember how they end up in Derek’s suite. He does not remember the chain of events that lead to Derek kissing him, or how they end up on the bed, Spencer with his shirt still mostly buttoned, his pants nowhere to be seen, Derek’s fingers pushing into him. Derek, breathing fast and heavy against his neck, whispering: “Gorgeous, so gorgeous, god, the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen, wanted to do this for years, now. Gonna make you feel so good, baby, god, look at you, Spencer, look at you…”

He remembers this:

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,” He says, pushing Derek off of him.

Derek pouts, eyes looking sad at the rejection, but he doesn’t put up a fight. His fingers clench, like all he wants to do is just touch Spencer.

Spencer puts a foot in the middle of his chest, pushing him away. “How drunk are you?”

Derek grabs a hold of his ankle, both hands warm on his skin, “Not at all. I had a glass or two of champagne.” He lets go of Spencer’s ankle, eyebrows drawing up, “Are _you_ drunk?”

Spencer smiles, wraps both his legs around Derek’s waist and pulls him in, kissing him, “Not at all,” he says, wrapping both arms around Derek’s shoulders.

He also remembers this:

The way Derek looks wrecked, absolutely destroyed when he first pushes into Reid’s body. His eyes tightly shut, his bottom lip caught under his teeth, sweat beading over his brows.

He remembers how he felt inside him, the stretch, the weight of Derek’s body on top of his, the rough slide of Derek’s hands on his chest, the marks he leaves gripping onto his hips.

He remembers the sounds Derek makes, rough grunts, growls as he pushes his mouth against Spencer’s throat, and the way he kisses; slowly, his fingers curled in Spencer’s hair to turn his head into the perfect position, sucking on his bottom lip until it looked red and bee-stung.

He remembers coming, gasping for breath as Derek worked him over, his hands grasping at Derek’s back, grabbing onto the back of his neck to mash their lips together again.

He honestly does not know if the sounds he hears after he comes are the crashing waves outside, or the blood rushing in his ears.

Either way, they do it twice more before the weekend is over.

 

**

 

One of the things Spencer and Derek would benefit from talking about: what their relationship is, after Cabo. 

One of the things Spencer and Derek don’t talk about: what their relationship is, after Cabo.

 

**

 

The sleeping together thing happens multiple times after the wedding, too.

“Hey, pretty boy,” Derek will say to Spencer, voice low, making sure everyone at the office can’t hear them, “walk with me a second, huh?”

Spencer will stand up. He will follow Derek into the men’s room on the fifth floor – abandoned, the fifth floor is being renovated – and like teenagers that are just discovering their dicks and the wonders of sex, they will make out, and grind against each other.

Occasionally there will be handjobs.

Once, there was a failed blowjob.

Failed, because Derek had just gotten on his knees after making Spencer beg, using only his hands and feather-light touches, and the construction crew for the fifth floor had chosen that moment in particular to break down the wall next to them.

There had been a lot of coughing and spluttering by the construction crew. A lot of avoiding eye contact and pretending they didn’t see anything.

Derek collapses on the floor and is practically howling with laughter. Spencer tucks himself in and wants to die.

 

**

 

He doesn’t know when they decided it was a secret from the rest of the team, but Spencer and Derek suddenly don’t go out with the team every time.

“I’m beat,” Derek will say.

“Yeah, that’s just not my scene, sorry guys.” Spencer will say.

An hour later, Derek will be at Spencer’s apartment and their clothes would suddenly disappear.

 

**

 

It’s not like Spencer has many insecurities.

When he was young, his biggest fear was being seen as a fraud – maybe if people knew his memory was eidetic they would see him as not actually smart, but only as having an extensive memory.

He got over that fear after getting his PhD.

But that’s when his other insecurities came out. He knows he’s socially awkward – doesn’t know when to stop rambling about mundane facts. Knows what his body looks like – tall, gangly, _awkward_ , his face too sharp, too angular.

He knows he’s not anyone’s top choice, and for the longest time, that’s been fine.

But now Spencer knows the warmth of having Derek’s smile directed at him. He knows how Derek’s stubble feels like on his neck, and how Derek will hold him even if he shakes, and won’t let him stay in his own head for too long.

He knows what its like to wake up sweaty and disgusting because Derek, more often than not, will end up sleeping with his whole body on top of Spencer – and Spencer does wake up sweaty, and he does wake up disgusting, but he wakes up with Derek, and most days, he’ll take that over everything else.

The thing is, though. The thing that makes Spencer most insecure is the fact that Spencer does not even know if they’re exclusive.

It bugs him, sometimes, thinking about Derek with other people. But he knows he has no right to feel that way.

Derek never says anything, and unless Spencer asks, he’ll never know, but Spencer just _can’t_ bring himself to ask. Because what if Derek laughs? What if his eyebrows pinch together and he says, ‘ _of course I’m seeing other people, man. You didn’t think this thing was going to_ last _did you?_ ’

Because sometimes Derek will bail out of team bonding time and won’t show up to Spencer’s apartment either.

Those are the worst nights.

 

**

 

One time, Prentiss, who Reid had spoken to once 6 months ago about putting himself out there, declares to the whole office that she has found the perfect girl for him.

Reid ducks his head, his shoulders slowly climb up to his ears and he tries to decline. He’s looking down at a map and saying things like, “You didn’t have to, honestly I’m fine, I’m sure she’s amazing,” but Prentiss ignores everything.

“No, come on, she’s perfect for you! She loves all the nerdy stuff you like – she’s geeky, and doing a masters degree in physics, so you know she’s just as brainy as you are, and she’s really sweet! Just one date, Reid. Just one!” Prentiss gives him such a hopeful look, and Reid doesn’t know how to say no to those kinds of looks.

He looks around, hoping someone might see his struggle and bail him out. Hoping to see Derek give him even one sign that he’s uncomfortable – anything to give Reid the strength to say no. But Derek is just hunched over his keyboard, typing, not caring.

“Fine.”

 

**

 

He goes on the date.

The girl is small and blond. Her name is Amy, and her cheeks get rosy every time she’s impressed by something he says. She’s looking at him like she knows he won’t say no to her.

She listens to his rants, and nods, as if she’s following and enjoying everything he’s saying. She matches him, fact for fact. She’s very clever and very quick with her replies. She makes him laugh, and at the end of the date Spencer can say he thoroughly enjoyed her company.

When he drops her off to her place, she’s looking very hopeful, until he kisses her on the cheek and takes a step back.

“Oh,” She says, stunned. “Oh, wow. I was not expecting that,” she laughs.

“I’m – I’m sorry, was that too forward?” He asks. Maybe he should’ve just hugged her and left. Or just walked her to her door and waved, then left.

“No, quite the opposite actually,” She takes a step back of her own, “I thought this was going so well, but I guess not.”

“Oh, no, no. I’m so sorry, you’re perfect. I just – I just wish I met you at a better time…” He’s feeling so guilty. He knows what its like to be let down. He doesn’t enjoy this at all. Is waiting for her to look at him with disdain.

Instead her eyes light up. “Ahh, I see how it is.” She says, “Well,” She kisses him on the cheek, “Dr. Spencer Reid. If it doesn’t work out with whoever you’re pining after, you have my number.” She pats him on the shoulder, turns around and walks into her building.

He never knew how obvious he was.

 

**

 

He was prepared to call this night a failure. Go home, shower, maybe watch more Catfish and pass out.

Instead, he gets home and finds Derek outside his door, sitting down at the floor and texting.

“Um, Derek?” Spencer asks.

Derek looks up and practically jumps to his feet, “Hey, hey Spencer,” he looks around Spencer nervously, “Hey, how’d your date go?”

“Um,” He says, unlocking the front door and walking in, “It was fine. I thought Prentiss was going to set me up with someone who is so like me it would be boring, but this girl was actually really fun,” He knows Derek followed him in, and he does not know what he wants, can’t figure it out, so he goes on about the date, “she actually looked like she didn’t mind it when I talked about the origins of dates and courting, it was actually quite surprising. In fact, she actually went on her own tangent about organic foods, and I learned quite a bit…”

He doesn’t know what to expect when he looks at Derek but the absolute devastation on his face was not it. He covers it quickly with a smile, which actually looks more like a grimace. “Oh, that’s um, that’s really good. I’m happy for you.”

“Yup…” Spencer just stares at him, waiting. 

“So when are you seeing her again?” Derek asks.

“Oh, never. She was really nice but—“ He never gets to finish that sentence. 

Derek has taken two very large strides, grabbed hold of Spencer’s head and pulled him in for a kiss, “Oh thank god,” he’s whispering, “Thank god, Spencer,”

Spencer slowly places a hand on Derek’s shoulder and pushes him away, “So, um. Does that –“ he’s aware he sounds very adolescent and awkward – but he never had this before, and he needs to make sure, so cut him some slack, “Does that mean we’re um… exclusive?”

Derek’s thumbs are slowly sweeping over his cheekbones, “ _Baby_ ,” he says softly, “I haven’t been able to look at anyone else since Cabo,” he slowly drags his lips against Spencer’s, “Tell me you want this too.”

Obviously, he does.

 

**

 

“Derek,”

Spencer elbows Derek softly at 2:48AM.

“Derek,”

Derek grunts.

“What were you gonna do, sitting on the floor, outside my door if I had brought her home with me?”

Derek groans and buries his nose in between Spencer’s shoulder blades.

“Derek, did you have a plan?” He whispers, “Or were you just gonna ask us both to review the date and each other?” He starts giggling, “Derek, were you gonna arrest her? Is that it?”

“Dr. Reid,” Derek says, pulling Spencer, rearranging him so that he’s lying on his back with Derek looking down at him, he pushes one hand into Spencer’s curls, “You need to learn when to be quiet,” he kisses him, “3AM for example, is quiet time, unless” he kisses him again, long and filthy, pushing onto him with his entire body, “Someone’s doing this to you.”

Spencer is quiet after that.

Kinda.

 

**

 

They tell Hotchner the next morning.

They pull him into his office and tell him they understand that relationships are strictly against the rules of the FBI, however this happened, and they want to continue to see each other.

“I’m even willing to be moved to another department.” Derek says with utter conviction.

Spencer splutters and turns to him, “What? You can’t do that, you belong in the BAU, you’re not moving!”

When Derek looks at him, his eyes soften so noticeably, Spencer’s face heats up, because is that how he’s always looked at him? With so much fondness, so much reverence in his eyes that anyone could see it?

How it took this long for them to get here is a miracle beyond Spencer’s comprehension.

“If that’s what I have to do,” Morgan says, looking back at Hotchner, squaring his shoulders and straightening his back.

“As much as I appreciate it, Morgan, that will not be necessary. Those rules are very antiquated.” Hotchner says, looking up at the both of them, from where he’s sitting at his desk. “However,” he continues, “Should this start to compromise how you act on the field, or your performance with the BAU, then we’ll need to have a serious discussion." 

Spencer doesn’t hug Derek but it’s a close thing. They just look at each other from across the room and smile.

“Thank you, Hotch.” Derek says. “This means a lot to us.”

A hint of a smile curls against Hotchner’s lips, “No problem,” he says, “And congratulations to the two of you,” His eyes look over from Derek to Spencer, “It took you long enough.”

 

**

 

They may or may not have been so relieved by Hotchner’s response that they forget to tell the rest of the team.

When Spencer makes an extra cup of coffee for Derek, half way through the day, and leaves it on his desk, nobody really blinks.

When Derek takes a sip of that coffee, groans and says roughly, “Thanks baby, you really know how to treat a man,” before going back to writing his report, a few heads pop up from behind their monitors to look at the two of them. Prentiss especially has lost her eyebrows somewhere behind her bangs.

A day later, JJ, Garcia and Prentiss are whispering to each other and laughing about something or another. They stop suddenly when Garcia smacks JJ and stares, mouth wide open at the picture in front of them:

Spencer, leaning into Derek’s space as Derek shows him something on the computer. Spencer says something to make Derek laugh, and Derek pushes one hand up into Spencer’s hair, pulls him closer and nuzzles into his cheek while saying something and laughing.

Garcia gasps, JJ looks between the two men then back at the girls, her face bright red. She coughs loudly to suppress a giggle that was threatening to escape. Prentiss just nods very quickly, “You guys have no idea.” She tells them.

 

**

 

Derek is in the office kitchen, microwaving a sandwich when Garcia storms in and smacks him in the arm.

“Derek Middlename Morgan!” She says in a loud whisper.

“Middlename?” Derek laughs.

“Yelling two names is not as effective as three, how did your mother ever chastise you with only two names? Unimportant! Derek Morgan, I feel so betrayed, so hurt by you.”

Derek’s eyes widen, “What? Is everything okay? What betrayal baby girl?”

“Oh, don’t you _baby girl_ me. I have to find out that my best friend is in a happy relationship, a seemingly healthy and supportive relationship by watching you two almost make out at your work desk?!”

Derek fights not to smile at the mention of Spencer and their relationship, “Oh, that.” He says.

“Yes, that!” She stares at him for a second or two, and then completely breaks character and pulls him in for a tight hug, “Oh, baby I’m so happy for you! You dorks look really happy together!”

Derek laughs, muffled into her shoulder.

She pulls away and holds him at arms length, “Tell me, is he treating you right? Derek, do I need to march over there and give him a stern talking to?” She’s waggling her eyebrows.

“Garcia… He makes me better. In every aspect of my life. I just—” Derek laughs again, “He makes me happy, Penelope.”

Her eyebrows furrow and tears spring to her eyes, “Ugh, you’re disgusting,” she sniffles and pulls him into another hug.

“Oh, um.” Spencer says from behind her, “I’ll just – I’ll come back later.”

She spins quickly, “Oh, no you don’t.” She says and pulls Spencer into a tight hug.

Spencer hugs her back, struggling to breathe and gives Derek a look over her shoulder that says, _is everything okay? Oh god, is she dying?_

Derek smiles back and hopes his look says, _She just found out that I’m utterly gone for you_.

 

**

 

Spencer always thought falling in love would be a crushing all-encompassing feeling that would take over his life, take over his thought process and everything he does.

Spencer cannot be blamed for this, as a man who has learned a lot by observation and reading, everything made love seem like that. 

Instead, he finds that love is a calming feeling, a clench of his heart when Derek’s eyes find his in a crowded room, a simmering heat at the pit of his stomach when Derek grabs hold of his hips when they’re in the privacy of their apartment. It’s a feeling of support and security, knowing that his nightmares are not his alone, knowing that someone always has his back, whether in the field, at bars, or when his mom says, “You better watch out for this one, Derek. He knows what he wants and he’ll get there with or without you.” With the kind of pride only a mother would have in describing how unintentionally ruthless her child could be.

And Derek says, “With, ma’am. Wherever he goes, I intend to be _with_ him.” Winking at Spencer from across the room.

Spencer loves Derek in a way that leaves no room for any doubt. Loves him in the way he trusts him completely, in the way that he is put at ease simply by the knowledge that Derek is in the same room as him.

 

**

 

The only time Spencer feels that all encompassing, suffocating kind of love is when him and JJ are over at Pheonix.

The team is currently working a small case – a favor for an old friend of Hotchner’s. He was not needed, and JJ wanted an extra pair of eyes to help her see if the case in Pheonix was worth pursuing.

They’re just leaving the conference room after having talked to the head of the Pheonix Police Department and some of his officers when Reid checks his phone.

32 missed calls.

Reid looks through the missed calls: Hotch, Garcia, Prentiss, Rossi.

His heart drops to his stomach.

It’s almost like an equation in his head; if Derek isn’t calling him then its because Derek _can’t_ call.

His mind is overflowing with possibilities: Derek is severely injured, he’s dead, there was a bomb, a shooting, something happened and Spencer isn’t there.

“Reid,” He knows someone is saying his name, he just can’t figure out how to take in any oxygen, can’t speak to save his life.

He feels hands on his shoulders, he looks up to see JJ, tears in her eyes, steering him out of the police station.

Suddenly, everything comes rushing back, he gasps, breathing quick and shallow, stumbling over his own feet while JJ pushes him into the car, “Is it – is Derek okay? Is he – JJ, I need –“ he doesn’t know what he needs other than Derek Morgan, in front of him, right now.

The flight back to Quantico passes like both the shortest and longest flight ever – he doesn’t remember any of it, but it felt like he had been sitting there for an eternity, counting up statistics over the case going wrong, the un-sub being worse than they expected, Derek hurt, Derek dying – and suddenly he’s being lead into a hospital, JJ’s grasp on his arm would be painful, if he could feel through the numbness.

They’re not going down to the morgue, so that offers him a tiny bit of comfort, but when he finally sees Derek, it’s like all the air has left the room. 

He knows that Garcia is in the room sitting on a small chair next to Derek’s bed. He can see, in the corner of his eye, Prentiss and Hotchner in one corner, Rossi on a phone call, in another corner. But his eyes cannot leave Derek’s face; swollen on one side, stitches above his right ear leading up to his temple, breathing tube in one nostril. His skin is paler, on the side that isn’t swollen his eyes seem sunken and the skin around it thin and purple.

When Spencer takes his hand, it’s warm. He swallows hard; he had expected it to be cold, stiff. But it’s warm, rough for all the callouses on his fingers, but soft when he presses it to his mouth, to his cheek.

One moment, Hotchner is telling him it was a car accident, of all things. A moment later he looks up and the room is empty. He looks at his watch and finds out it’s nearly 2 in the morning – the team must’ve left. He has no recollection. He stretches his limbs, cracking and popping his joints in the process. He only leaves the room to wash his face and grab an ice-cold cup of water.

He puts his head down on Derek’s bed and is dozing when he feels very familiar fingers carding through his hair. Reid practically shoots up and sees Morgan staring at him through half-lidded eyes, a small smile on his lips.

“Hey, angel.” He says, voice rough, fingers tracing Reid’s frown, “How busted do I look?”

Reid huffs, grabbing onto Derek’s arm with two of his hands, “Not more than usual.” He pulls Derek’s palm to his lips, pressing a kiss to the center.

Derek sucks in air between his teeth, feigning hurt, “That’s cold, baby. I expected a little more lovin’ to help me get better."

“I could kill you for this, you know.” Reid closes his eyes, forces himself to think about Derek now, warm and smiling at him, and not how Derek could’ve been – dead, cold, buried – not what he expected.

“Threatening a federal agent,” Derek smirks, “I dunno, pretty boy. You could get into a lot of trouble should the Bureau find out.” Derek slowly slips his hand into Spencer’s.

Spencer chuckles, looking down at their hands. He tightens his hold on Derek’s hand, “Please never do this to me again,” he whispers, “I know you can’t control it, you can’t even realistically promise me that, and I’m talking as if I got the worst of it when you’re literally in a hospital bed with your head stitched up but—“

“I promise,” Derek says, voice soft, eyes soft, looking at Reid like he never thought he’d see him again. “Come on, baby, I’ve been in the FBI for close to 10 years, and you think a little car accident’s gonna take me out?” 

“It could have – statistically speaking, yes, you’re more likely to—"

“Hey,” Derek tugs at Spencer, “Hey, look at me,” He gestures weakly to his whole body – as if this is supposed to reassure Spencer, “Sure, I’m a little bit busted, and I’ve got all these tubes sticking into places they got no business being in, but I’m here, and so are you. We’re good, Spencer.”

Spencer leans in, and places the softest of kisses on Derek’s mouth, “I love you so much, I don’t know where I’d be if you weren’t here.”

Derek smiles, “Tell me again when I’m better so I can show you just how much I love you back,” He waggles his eyebrows and winks at Spencer.

“You ruin every moment we ever get, you know that?” Spencer says, but he can't fight the smile on his face, or the relief he gets from hearing Derek make a dumb joke. He stands up, “I’m gonna go call the nurse.”

 

**

 

After the nurse has adjusted Derek’s pain medication, and Derek has finished the cup of water Spencer brought him, Spencer stares at Derek, as he fights to stay awake, and thinks maybe if he closes his eyes he could feel every cell in his body thrum and ache with love for this man.

When he puts his hand in Derek’s hand, and Derek, even in his drug induced sleep, smiles, he thinks maybe – _finally_ – he understands.

 


End file.
